Battle Chess. When a commenter on one of Germany’s public broadcasters attempted to summarize and categorize the match between Hamburg and Bayern, he kept talking about this game being for tactic freaks, but with an uncertainty to his statements, as though he didn’t really know what was going on and didn’t want to admit to it. But then again, who does? As such, the first thirty minutes of the match, where Bayern were in control but little else, were mostly used to get to grips with who was playing where, why and how you put that in numbers. At some point a panel of experts agreed on a 3-3-3-1 for Bayern countered by a 4-4-2 diamond by Hamburg, except that Elia was really tripling up the left wing with Aogo and Boateng to put pressure on Breno, while Lahm casually checked by his old friends in Bayern’s back line to take Elia out of the game. All of that produced a high quality 0-0 at half-time and it all no longer mattered when Demel’s injury forced Labaddia to make a slew of positional changes, which accidentally put Louis van Gaal checkmate at the same time – despite van Gaal’s courageous efforts to counter Labbadia by reverting to a 4-3-3. Either that or it was all about a bit of individual brilliance by Ze Roberto and the lack of the same on the other end, that produced the solitary winning goal. So, whether the Bundesliga now has its’ very own Kasparov vs Karpov remains to be seen. Both coaches have a tendency to lose their teams, while they are thinking through their next 37 moves.

In-Jokes. While following the chess game and waiting for Louis to make his next move, I wondered whether coaches have their own way of joking around with each other. I often notice how two coaches have a quick chat after a game or prior to the post match press conference, which usually ends in laughter. In case of Bruno and Louis it would have been like

Bruno: “Got it?”
Louis: “Trochowski?”
Bruno grins, Louis laughs and the press conference begins.

After all Trochowski’s sole role in this game was to fool Bayern and himself into believing Hamburg might actually try anything via the right side. Obviously Labbadia would never admit to that, as it would make Trochowski very angry and tempt him to unleash one of his fiery long range shots at Labbadia, which will go about 10 meters wide.

That’s Clear. As Lucien Favre used to say when he used to be Hertha’s coach. Now he has been fired. Six Bundesliga defeats in a row broke his back on the outside. The team working against him broke him on the inside. The Hertha Offside picks it up from here.

Next in the Line. Borussia Mönchengladbach traded their excellent start to the season and the Juan Arango hype for four defeats in a row and a tough fixture calendar. Anyone who always knew and always doubted the signing of Michael Frontzeck as Gladbach coach may now get an account on a random Borussia Mönchengladbach board or blog and start posting.

Arne Friedrich. When typing Arne Friedrich into the Google searchbox, the service’s automatic search term completion suggests I might primarily be interested in the topics girlfriend, gay or Nutella. I really meant to type dressing room cancer though, but that doesn’t yield any satisfactory results – yet. Still, somehow Friedrich always seems to pop up whenever there’s a rift in a team I have sympathies for. A while back Little Miss Sunshine used Ballack’s shake up with Löw in the German national team, to tell the press how intolerably rude he feels the captain is. Just that he didn’t realize that players aren’t the weakest link and that Ballack is a much better football player than him. In case of Lucien Favre he didn’t realize either that this man knows much more about football than him, but he remembered that bit about who the weakest link is. Now the only question the HSV sympathizer in me has left, is how he managed to get rid of Dietmar Beiersdorfer as well.

Bavarian Beauty. A very average game between two quite evenly matched teams ended 0-0 for Cologne after 80 minutes and 1-0 for Leverkusen after 90 minutes. Leverkusen’s coach Jupp Heynckes felt like he was in Munich all over again: “This is how Bayern won the titles in its’ history: through confidence and believe in its’ own strength”. Whether this will be enough for Bayer against teams with a more mature and fine tuned game (Hamburg, Bayern, Hoffenheim) remains to be seen. The fans will certainly welcome a change to the club’s die in beauty approach of the past.

Dreary Derby. Schalke beat Dortmund 1-0 and I personally was a bit disappointed by the balance between real controversy (none) vs. made up controversy (some) in Germany’s biggest derby.

Results: Nuremberg – Bochum (0-1), Wolfsburg – Hannover (4-2), Dortmund – Schalke (0-1), Bremen – Mainz (3-0), Cologne – Leverkusen (0-1), Frankfurt – Stuttgart (0-3), Hamburg – Bayern (1-0), Freiburg – Mönchengladbach (3-0), Hoffenheim – Berlin (5-1)

Bayern
Pre-Season: Bayern’s pre-season started like all pre-seasons during odd numbered years by putting between 50 to 100 million Euros into circulation, to make up for not signing anyone during the even numbered years. This time they also played a mean practical joke on Stuttgart by handing them more money for Mario Gomez, than they could ever compute. All they had to do then was sit back and lmao, while Stuttgart failed in their amateurish attempts to buy players like Huntelaar or Vagner Love from their monopoly money. Bayern’s new coach Louis van Gaal meanwhile locked himself up in a monastery to learn German. Because when you can handle the celibacy and the ascetic, you can also master German modal verbs.
Verdict: Last season Bayern voiced their wish to play better, harder, faster, stronger attacking football by signing Jürgen Klinsmann. This season they just wanted someone who can teach football, and still might get their previous wish granted. But it could also all go horribly wrong, should Franz Beckenbauer make the mistake and ask van Gaal why Luca Toni isn’t playing.

Hamburg
Pre-Season: Trauma lead to chaos and from chaos emerged Ze Roberto and with Ze Roberto came order and with order came Eljero Elia and Marcus Berg and with them hopes for a better season. The trauma was exclusive to Hamburg boss Bernd Hoffmann. The chaos his making. The Ze Roberto signing a “Wag the Dog” attempt to silence the angry mob of HSV fans, for whom seeing Martin Jol and Didi Beiersdorfer suddenly flee the club wasn’t quite as convenient as it possibly was for Hoffmann. What was even more convenient was, that almost everyone was on holiday while all this happened, and those who returned to the Nordbank Arena to the first training sessions suddenly and surprisingly looked like title contenders.
Verdict: Hamburg have the best balanced squad of any Bundesliga club. Some of this quality and depth was bought this summer, some returned from injury and one needed to be rediscovered at this year’s U21 Euros. So, who or what could possibly stop them? What: The Crunch. Who: Bruno Labaddia. Labaddia likes tactics and he likes to fantasize about boring nihilistic Champions League games, where the teams compressed and decompressed space so cleverly, that Labaddia hopes to gain some credibility himself by mentioning it. But can he teach it?

Wolfsburg
Pre-Season: It’s been a good summer for Volkswagen after acquiring the Bundesliga title, Porsche and Obafemi Martins. At the same time strategic partnerships in key areas of the pitch were extended and improved by binding Grafite, Dzeko and Misimovic to new contracts, despite attempts by the Mediaset/Italian Government conglomerate to gain a controlling stake in Dzeko. Volkswagen are also turning their focus away from Felix Magath’s high top speeds and quick acceleration to a more controlled, environment friendly and future proof passing approach by Armin Veh.
Verdict: Kept the key players. Check. Added depth. Check. Ruin it all with the wrong coach. Maybe.

Leverkusen
Pre-Season: What has Bayer done wrong to upset both the pharmacy and football gods? Tamiflu is being produced by Hoffmann-La Roche and their Bundesliga equals Wolfsburg won the title just like that, while their own team predictably came second somewhere once again. Bayer fans need not despair though. Rudi Völler came to the rescue and tried to fix all that was wrong with Leverkusen over the past few years. He singlehandedly expanded the stadium, so that Bayer no longer needs to live with the stigma of having the smallest ground in the Bundesliga. He signed a coach who had won the Champions League with Real Madrid instead of losing it against them and who won the Bundesliga with Bayern instead of… you know the drill. Instead of just signing young high potentials like Eren Derdiyok, players in their mid thirties are warmly welcomed as well. Just don’t try to get a job at Leverkusen when you are 27 and in your footballing prime.
Verdict: One thing Rudi Völler didn’t change was the team’s intro music, which still reminds the players prior to every home game that “I can’t change, I can’t change, I can’t change.”

Bochum
Pre-Season: For Bochum fans pre-season is the new regular season. The team cruised from one impressive friendly result to the next, no bones broke and no muscles ruptured. The players evaded tackles so effortlessly and read the oppositions attacking moves so easily, that the club decided to add artificial dirt to the new kits, to at least keep the facade of being a workers and not a snobbish artists club. They even had to make the kit extra ugly, to have at least a small chance to meet demand.
Verdict: Should the inexplicable and unimaginable happen, Bochum fans will always have the summer of ‘09, right?

Dortmund
Pre-Season: Dortmund completed all their transfers in the winter already and the team that was sent on their holidays was perfectly intact anyway. A quiet summer at the pool was on the cards for sporting director Michael Zorc and coach Jürgen Klopp. Eventually they decided to sign Dimitar Rangelov from Cottbus and secure Sven Bender through a player swap, just so nobody could say they just hung around the pool and did nothing. After discovering Lucas Barrios’ 37 goals in 2008 compilation video on YouTube, the club was also just too happy to grant Alex Frei his request for a celebrated return to his native Switzerland.
Verdict: Should Lucas Barrios score another 37 goals in the upcoming Bundesliga season, nothing will stand in the club’s way.

Berlin
Pre-Season: Hertha fans have grown accustomed to the curious fact, that all money is suddenly gone in time for a new season. That Dieter Hoeness could be gone just as suddenly was a refreshingly new and unique situation though. Meanwhile, sightings of an ecstatic Lucien Favre, running naked through the streets of Berlin and randomly hugging people are supposedly completely unrelated to these news according to club officials. Hertha’s new dynamic duo Preetz and Favre then spent the rest of the summer lowering expectations and enjoying the sadistic pleasures of inviting players to trials, just to send them back home again.
Verdict: Hertha have so successfully lowered expectations for the new season, that the club will probably do something outrageous again and finish 4th or win a cup competition or something.

Cologne
Pre-Season: Cologne is a club of extremes. New signing Sebastian Freis was welcomed at Cologne’s central station by a single club representative, who picked him up to bring him to the training ground. New signing Lukas Podolski was welcomed by over 20000 fans at the Rhein Energie Stadion complete with a live TV broadcast of his first training session. The illustrious Christoph Daum suddenly ran away to Turkey and was replaced by possibly the most boring coaching combo of the league with Zvonimir Soldo and Michael Henke. In between, Michael Meier found time to offer contracts to Atletico Madrid rejects and negotiate with young Rumanian starlets who then appear to have five different agents and whose club boss sits in jail.
Verdict: Cologne’s fans are frequently ridiculed for their delusions of grandeur, but that’s just a cliche. This season most fans would be happy with comfortable midtable madness and some home games which are just a little bit less dull than what Christoph Daum had to offer last season. This will suffice to put the club in a good position to tackle the Champions League spots in 2010/2011.

Please send your fake takeover applications to admin@nufc.co.uk and the real ones to daryl[at]theoffside[dot]com.

Update: Just as I write this post the Borussia Dortmund Offside goes up for auction as well. If you are more the romantic type who can do without the successful and without the wealthy then this is a blog for you.

Update 2: I should have taken a little look around before writing this as there are even more team blogs available: Leverkusen Offside, Muklenblacklen Offside and Eintracht Frankfurt Offside. Blog for two of them and we’ll give you the third one for free.

Update 3: I think I see the pattern emerging, so it’s easier to just say that the Hamburg Offside, Cologne Offside, Bayern Offside, Bochum Offside, St. Pauli Offside and Hertha Offside are the only team blogs currently not looking for a new blogger.

For everyone else it’s season 46 episode 34 of the Bundesliga. We’ve already been served 2970 minutes high on excitement and low on answers – the latter will have to be packed into the upcoming 90 minutes. Who’s going to win the title, who will qualify for the Champions and Europa League, who is going down, what is the smoke monster and what lies behind Felix Magath’s wry smile? The league’s script writers have promised us answers to at least half of these questions.

Hannover 0-5 Wolfsburg. Except for the sell out crowd there was nothing really derby-ish about this game (and then, the last match at home usually tends to be a sell out anyway). Hannover fielded a reshuffled team, with 39 year old defender Michael Tarnat given his farewell match, and was consequently ripped apart by the best strike duo of this Bundesliga season. Wolfsburg now only need a draw in their game against Bremen to secure their first Bundesliga title. Can you expect Bremen to put up a fight and possibly repeat their 5-2 DFB-Pokal victory over the wolves despite being in between two cup finals? Well, they were easily beaten 3-1 by Karlsruhe this weekend – make up your own mind… but stranger things have happened.

Hoffenheim 2-2 Bayern. Hoffenheim have overall more quality than Hannover and they were ready to give Bayern a run for their money – e.g. they didn’t give Boubacar Sanogo a farewell match. In fact Hoffenheim wanted to win this game and take revenge for last year’s cruel defeat. They had to settle for a draw though, which will still feel like a defeat for Bayern, who in theory could end up winning the title next Saturday, or drop down to fourth and play in the second tier European competition for the second time in three seasons…

Stuttgart 2-0 Cottbus. And here is the team that will decide Bayern’s fate and who themselves could still win the title or drop all the way down to fourth. A solid performance was enough to overcome Cottbus. Mario Gomez was rested and only had a short twenty minutes cameo, which was enough time for him to set up the second goal.

Hertha 0-0 Schalke. Marko Pantelic scored a perfectly valid goal which was ruled out by the referee and since close games are Hertha’s trademark this season, the game ended 0-0 / the capital’s title hopes. Hertha fans could chose to read a lot into this match, and how this is typical Hertha style choking and apart from being wrong, they would also miss out on the silver lining. A win against Karlsruhe will guarantee Hertha a third place finish, with chances to go second, should Bayern and Stuttgart draw their match. A 63 point haul to date is their best ever Bundesliga result already.

Lucien Favre has some work to do to refocus and motivate his team though. The reaction to the Schalke game was a textbook case of the volatile professional football mercenary team spirit, with Voronin criticizing Favre, Simunic criticizing his team mates and Hoeness unsurprisingly criticizing anyone but himself.

Hamburg 0-1 Cologne. Just a few weeks ago Hamburg could still win the triple. Martin Jol was coach of the year candidate and courted by Bayern. Didi Bayersdorfer was a transfer magician with profit margins unheard of by even the most reckless bankers and Piotr Trochowski kept saying how he is ready for a really big club after every other half decent match he played. 28 days and Werder Bremen later, Hamburg’s season has completely collapsed with a super-poor home performance against Cologne being the icing on the cake. The DFB-Pokal and UEFA Cup were bonus trophies, but qualification for European football was the club’s official goal for this season, which now is in very serious doubt. Apart from the need to somehow raise their own game again and beat Frankfurt, they also need Dortmund to slip up against Mönchengladbach.

Dortmund 6-0 Bielefeld. And can you see this Dortmund team drop points against Mönchengladbach? Well, you could make an argument that Gladbach are a better side than Bielefeld…

Leverkusen 5-0 Mönchengladbach. Marginally better side really. It’s amazing and embarrassing that a 5-0 defeat still helped Mönchengladbach win a one goal advantage over Bielefeld. Bielefeld now have to win their game against Hannover and overcome a five goal deficit (four goals actually, but Gladbach scored more goals overall and thus would still be ranked ahead of Bielefeld) and hope Dortmund beats Gladbach. Based on Dortmund’s form, they’ll probably just have to make sure to beat Hannover and let Dortmund do all the goal scoring…

There’s a mini chance for some title decisive drama and a big chance for drama regarding relegation, Europa League and Champions League and I hope to get a liveblog ready to cover it all.

1. VfL Wolfsburg (60pts / +27gd)
Waiting for the title since: 1945, when the club was founded
Run-in: Dortmund (H), Hannover (A), Bremen (H)
The Dortmund game may decide whether Wolfsburg can win their first ever Bundesliga title or not. Wolfsburg are unbeaten at home, while Dortmund have hardly been beaten all season. There could be a draw in this one. The away game against Hannover is a Niedersachsen Derby, but the fact that this is the first time you learned about this derby, tells you that it’s probably not big enough for Hannover to go all out and ruin Wolfsburg’s title chances. Though, you never know – maybe this game could be the start of a long and passionate fiendish rivalry. Bremen will return from either a UEFA Cup triumph or defeat and have another cup final coming up. You have a feeling that spoiling Wolfsburg’s party is not a top priority for them.

2. Bayern Munich (60pts / +25gd)
Waiting for the title for: 12 long, long months
Run-in: Leverkusen (H), Hoffenheim (A), Stuttgart (H)
In the past, Leverkusen always travelled to the Allianz Arena ambitious and full of confidence and left with deflated egos and zero points. The only reason why it could be different this time around is because Leverkusen no longer have any ambitions or confidence. The away game against Hoffenheim could pose a more realistic threat for Bayern though. Hoffenheim, despite their poor run of form, seem motivated to end the season on a high and take revenge for the defeat in Munich last year. They will of course still miss Ibisevic and his replacement Boubacar Sanogo is someone who can turn the game in Bayern’s favor and not the other way round. The game against Stuttgart could turn out be a real showdown and title decider, presuming Bayern and Stuttgart take six points from their previous two matches and I wouldn’t make any predictions in this case.

3. Hertha Berlin (59pts / +10gd)
Waiting for the title since: 1931
Run-in: Cologne (A), Schalke (H), Karlsruhe (A)
Cologne are in safe waters and miss several key players. While Hertha had problems dominating and beating sides from the bottom of the table, I still can’t see anything but three points for Berlin here. The game against Schalke could go either way. Schalke may no longer have anything to play for, but are the kind of side which isn’t vulnerable to Hertha’s counter attacks and they had very little trouble beating Hertha last year. If Hertha beat Schalke they can win the title. The game against Karlsruhe could be a serious test for the fan-friendship between the two clubs – unless Karlsruhe are already confirmed to go down.

4. VfB Stuttgart (58pts / +18gd)
Waiting for the title since: 2007
Run-in: Schalke (A), Cottbus (H), Bayern (A)
The games against Schalke and Cottbus could be tricky, which is my way of saying that I expect six points for Stuttgart but don’t really trust them yet, despite their demolition of Wolfsburg. The best result Stuttgart could get in Munich in recent years was a draw, but then again there were so many clubs, coaches and players who overcame their Bayern jinx this season, that Stuttgart could just as well go there and beat them for an even unlikelier title win than in 2007.

5. Borussia Dortmund (55pts / +20gd)
Waiting for the title since: 2002
Run-in: Wolfsburg (A), Bielefeld (H), Mönchengladbach (A)
With Hamburg hot on their heels and with the easier run-in, Dortmund can’t really afford to lose or draw any of their remaining fixtures. The team is on a club record winning streak, though I have doubts whether they’ll be the first to beat Wolfsburg in Wolfsburg this season. Two relegation threatened sides might put up quite a fight, especially Bielefeld are difficult to play, but Dortmund look too strong to drop any points against them.

6. Hamburger SV (55 pts / 0gd)
Waiting for the title since: 1982
Run-in: Bochum (H), Cologne (H), Frankfurt (A)
You’ve got to feel sorry for Martin Jol’s men. In a bit over two and a half weeks their fierce rivals Werder Bremen turned an excellent season into a bitterly disappointing one. Their chances to win the title are purely mathematical and their chances to play in Europe at all next season could rely on the outcome of the Wolfsburg – Dortmund match. The team’s remaining fixtures all look very easy on paper so it’s not too bold to predict a full nine points here. The psychological blow of the Nothern Derby disaster could stand in their way though.

To round off this post, here’s quick look at the snail race at the bottom of the table:

14. VfL Bochum (28pts / -16gd)
In the Bundesliga since: 2006
Run-in: Hamburg (A), Frankfurt (H), Cologne (A)
I expected Bochum to have booked the tickets for another season of Bundesliga football a while ago. Marcel Koller’s team played some good football and more importantly got results to show for it, different to the first half of the season. With games against Frankfurt and Cologne coming up, I still expect them to convert one of those two matchballs…

15. Borussia Mönchengladbach (27pts / -19gd)
In the Bundesliga since: 2008
Run-in: Cottbus (A), Leverkusen (A), Dortmund (H)
I think Mönchengladbach have to win in Cottbus to have a chance to stay in the league. Leverkusen will be motivated to end their Düsseldorf adventure with one damn home win, so I don’t think Gladbach can expect any gifts from them there unfortunately. Dortmund will most probably be fighting for the Europa League spots (or even more…) and look too strong for Gladbach. I personally hope they stay in the league though, and maybe that’s why I’m so pessimistic.

16. Arminia Bielefeld (27pts / -19gd)
In the Bundesliga since: 2004
Run-in: Hoffenheim (H), Dortmund (A), Hannover (H)
Hoffenheim and Hannover at home will certainly be the key games for Bielefeld. Artur Wichniarek could be the key player in these games after his return from injury. And after all, how can something get relegated which doesn’t even exist?

17. Energie Cottbus (27pts / -27gd)
In the Bundesliga since: 2006
Run-in: Mönchengladbach (H), Stuttgart (A), Leverkusen (H)
With home games against Mönchengladbach and Leverkusen, Cottbus have it all in their own hands. I’m a bit unsure about what Leverkusen side will show up. They might be determined to get a positive result as a confidence boost ahead of the cup final.

18. Karlsruher SC (23pts / -29gd)
In the Bundesliga since: 2007
Run-in: Hannover (H), Bremen (A), Berlin (H)
There is a little glimmer of hope left for Karlsruhe to at least make it to the relegation play-offs. This glimmer stands in stark contrast to their poor performance against Dortmund though. Hannover and Bremen no longer have anything to play for and maybe Karlsruhe are just another freak goal away from an unlikely great escape.

vs Bundesliga Report 2007/2008: The above numbers add up to a combined revenue of €1527,6m, while the official revenue reported by the Bundesliga is €1566,931m. This might have to do with Bayern Munich. Bayern Munich were co-owners of the Allianz Arena but recently bought the shares held by 1860 Munich. In turn Bayern released two revenue figures: the one quoted above and one + Allianz Arena which is roundabout €40m higher. In that case the revenues of the 17 other clubs are more or less correct. The Bundesliga also reported that 15 of 18 clubs turned a profit as compared to 18 of 18 in the previous season. So three clubs from the above list must have had a negative result.

vs Deloitte Football Money League Deloitte further “correct” their numbers by excluding none football related income as well as one offs like transfer fees.

Warning: Revenue figures of football clubs are like possession stats after a football match. A team dominating possession doesn’t necessarily win the game and isn’t necessarily the better team. After all, Manchester City were ranked 20th in Deloitte’s money league but are the richest club in the world…

The 2. Bundesliga revenues of the three clubs promoted to the Bundesliga: Borussia Mönchengladbach (Turnover €68,7m, Profit €6,8m), FC Cologne (€42,6m, Loss €2,27m), TSG Hoffenheim (Turnover €24m, Loss €5,2m)

Bonus
Turnover 1. Bundesliga 2007/2008: €1566,931m (€1456,783m in 2006/2007, +7,3%)
Turnover 2. Bundesliga 2007/2008: €367,508m (€291,032m in 2006/2007, +23,3%)
Turnover Bundesliga 2007/2008: €1934,439m (€1747,815m in 2006/2007, +10,7%)

Combined debt: €469,453m (€510,323m in 2006/2007)
Wages to Turnover Ratio: 40%

***
Friday

[22.00] Schalke 1-0 Cologne
Schalke scored a brilliantly strung together team goal. Schalke played 90 minutes of football, which at no point suggested that the team has the ability to score such a great goal. Cologne was on the pitch as well and had decided that long balls and free kicks ought to be enough for the night. In the last 10 minutes they eventually realized how nervous, inapt and insecure their opponent actually was and tried a little harder to equalize – which they almost did. All things considered it was an abysmal match.

What was far more interesting than the action on the pitch was the reaction of the Schalke fans in the stands. It took only 20 minutes until the fans were at the end of their tether and started booing their team. After 28 minutes Jermaine Jones scored the lead, which calmed the crowd down a little bit. For the rest of the match eerie silence took turns with occasional boos and more pronounced boos (i.e. during substitutions). It was a good night for Kevin Kuranyi though, as he wasn’t booed individually but only as part of the team. When the game had finished the Schalke players reacted by skipping their obligatory visit to the curve. Well, Schalke are probably the only team in the league who wished they had more away games.

***
Saturday

[02.15] Match reports of the Friday night game are up: Schalke Offisde – Cologne Offside.

[02.35] A couple of previews for today’s matches: Hoffenheim Offside vs Bremen Offside, Mönchengladbach Offside vs Hamburg Offside, Bayern Offside vs Hanover Offside, blogless Cottbus vs Hertha Offside, Wolfsburg Offside vs blogless Karlsruhe and Stuttgart Offside vs Dortmund Offside.

[03.00] Countdown: whoever scores first today will have scored the 43000th goal in the history of the Bundesliga.

[06.00] Franck Ribery is out injured today. We’ll have to make do with this singing/jumpsuit wearing performance for our fix of Ribery entertainment this weekend.

[06.40] Drumroll: goal number 43000 has been scored by Stuttgart’s Brazilian midfielder Élson.

[08.35] A double debacle for the Bundesliga’s HSVs and no new team at the top of the table (and no new team at the top of table next week either)…

Cottbus 1-3 Hertha
Cottbus lived up to their bogey team tag in the first half. They put Hertha under pressure and a Drobny blunder worthy of only happening against a bogey team gave them the lead. Cottbus seemed to be on a good way to continue their success story against Hertha. But this season things are just a little bit different. Cottbus had the chances, Hertha converted theirs. And by half-time Hertha (aka Andriy Voronin) had turned the match around. As we by now expect from Hertha, they kept the game open until almost the last minute before Voronin completed his hat trick with a great solo goal.

Bayern 5-1 Hanover
Another crisis at Bayern countered with five goals, but because it’s such a cherished Bundesliga tradition this season, they let the guests score first. Hanover looked like a contender for worst ever team at defending corners and free kicks. The title for worst ever away side is already theirs. Lo and behold: Lukas Podolski played from the beginning and scored a goal. This was HSV debacle number 1.

Mönchengladbach 4-1 Hamburg
And here is HSV debacle number 2. Hamburg probably shouldn’t have shown such a pronounced interest in Marko Marin in the winter, because he felt like giving a job interview today. Instrumental in setting up two goals, scored one himself from the spot and generally ran the show for Mönchengladbach. Frank Rost said about his team’s performance in the midweek cup game against Wiesbaden, that they won’t have a chance against Gladbach if they play like that again – he was right. Big win for Mönchengladbach, who will now go into a relegation triple header with games against Cologne, Bochum and Karlsruhe coming up. After those matches we’ll probably have an idea, whether they can stage a great escape or not.

[09.00] And here’s what happened elsewhere in Germany:

Hoffenheim 0-0 Bremen
This game could have just as well ended with nine goals like the first game between the two teams six months ago. Bremen are still waiting for their first win in the Bundesliga this year. Hoffenheim haven’t won since January.

Wolfsburg 1-0 Karlsruhe
Karlsruhe have been Wolfsburg’s bogey team, but VW’s millions have finally bought them their first ever victory against the leagues new worst team. Karlsruhe weren’t the worse side today, but even as the better team they couldn’t convert their chances.

Stuttgart 2-1 Dortmund
The 43000th goal in the history of the Bundesliga and Mario Gomez’ 43000th goal for Stuttgart seal the victory for a yet unbeaten Markus Babbel – in the Bundesliga; let’s better forget about the club’s performances in the DFB and UEFA Cup.

[09.30] And this is how the table currently looks like (ripped from here):

Props to Hamburg for their goal difference of +/- 0. In a way that’s quite an achievement. Oh, and a small correction to the above table: Bayern and Hoffenheim are joined second.

[09.50] The photo of the weekend straight from the Allianz Arena and beautifully open to interpretation.

[10.50] Two more match reports are up: Bayern Offside and Mönchengladbach Offside.

[13.50] Another drumroll for the DFB-Pokal semi-final draw:
Hamburg vs Bremen
Leverkusen vs Mainz
There goes my Northern Derby for the final, but a Northern Derby after all. Leverkusen look like a sure bet for the final. Mainz are a good side – fighting for promotion to the Bundesliga – but without home advantage it’ll be very difficult to stage an upset.

***
Sunday

[11.30] Time to wrap up matchday 23.

Leverkusen 1-1 Bochum
After their impressive DFB-Pokal victory over Bayern, I predicted: “Now that they played so well again, another nosedive in the league can be expected pretty soon.” All my wrong predictions meanwhile will of course remain hidden deep in the archives of this blog. Leverkusen again looked impressive on paper – i.e. possession and shots on target stats, but on the pitch they needed a stupid handball + penalty to at least draw the match. Bochum continue their fine form this year.

Bielefeld 0-0 Frankfurt
A good result for Mönchengladnach is all I can say about this match.